


Only A Name

by fadedlullabyes



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Name on wrist verse, Self Harm, Soulmates, Steve Feels, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, jarvis is a dirty traitor, one rape joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-03
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadedlullabyes/pseuds/fadedlullabyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony had grown up with Steve Roger's name on his wrist. He knew what it meant and as he grew older, resentment set in because there was no way his soul mate was still alive. At sixteen he realizes that he can't just deal with it anymore and so he builds a laser to remove the name for him. </p>
<p>So when Steve was found and he had no name on his wrist, Tony couldn't feel guilty. It was a sign right?</p>
<p>Wrong, an autograph would change things for Tony after finding Steve in the ice.</p>
<p>Written for avengerskinkmeme prompt: http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/17385.html?thread=39022057#t39022057</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only A Name

Anthony Edward Stark had never been fond of the name on his wrist. It was a memento of a man long dead where he was concerned. Steven Grant Rogers had crashed his plane into the arctic and there was no surviving that; super soldier serum or not. All the years his father spent searching and coming up completely empty handed did nothing to resolve the fact that in his mind he had no soulmate.

 

The only thing the absurdly neat script on his wrist had brought him was misery and an absent father.

 

Of course Howard had taken the name as a sign that his old war buddy was still alive and spent his time as well as company resources searching the arctic. He never took Tony along, no matter how much he pleaded as a child. The way Tony had seen it as a child was that it was his soulmate and he should be helping in any possible way. He was innocent back then, unaware of the burden the name on his wrist would one day give him.

 

But Howard always left before Tony woke up and bitterness crept into Tony’s heart. He would always find some way to cover the name like it was some dirty secret. By the time Tony was seven, he was a master at hiding the neat scrawl on his wrist when his father wasn’t around.

 

Elementary school had been hard on Tony. All the other kids in his class had their soulmates names scrawled in their wrists in clumsy cursive. They would giggle during recess and show off the childish written names on their wrists and come up with ridiculous stories on what their mate would be like when they grew up.

 

Tony had been jealous; their soulmates were alive and they would find them. His classmates also had the ability to dream of what their other half was like whereas he already knew. It was kind of hard to not know living with Howard. This only served to harden Tony's resolve regarding that man. He wouldn't tell the other kids who his soulmate was when they asked because how could you explain it was Captain fucking America.

 

And Maria had her own problems so she couldn't soothe Tony like a good mother. It wasn't that she was a bad mother; she was just so caught up with her absent husband that she forgot Tony existed. Maria was too busy trying to garner Howard’s attention to even remember that she had a son who really needed her.

 

He had been left to his own devices since he was old enough to build his own circuit board and Tony was sure that was the only time his old man was proud of him. He knew he had always been different from other children and now Tony knew why.

 

He had seen the world in equations and science. Tony preferred engineering and his father had approved distantly saying it was a profession that would improve Stark Industries. Tony had heard the slight pride in his father’s voice but it wasn’t enough to cement the bond between father and son.

 

By the time Tony was twelve, he wanted nothing to do with Howard. Tony had a firm belief of who he was and didn’t need his old man to help him through all the awkward shit. Jarvis had been more of a father-figure and he was the butler. Tony was sure Jarvis had a small photo of his accomplishments if only for him to have it later in life.

 

At least college wasn't a complete disaster like elementary and high school had been. Tony had one person he could count as a friend, even though it seemed improbable that he would hang out with someone like James Rhodes. The older man had a sharp wit and tongue to match.

 

And he never asked about Tonys soulmate which was a plus in Tonys book. Even as they whispered and conspired in their robotics class, Rhodey would never bring up the subject of Tonys soulmate.

 

Of course Rhodey probably thought Tony's soulmate was dead since he never showed his wrist. Hell, Tony hardly looked at it himself so he barely remembered what it looked like.

 

It also helped that Rhodey kept the conversation away from anything soulmate related. Tony tried to pry but Rhodey would change the subject swiftly and  Tony would forget until the next time he brought it up.

 

Tonight, Tony was at a frat party and he was the life of it. The alcohol kept his problems at bay and he could forget the name on his wrist. At these parties Tony felt alive and that no one could touch him. He could play ignorant of the name and just be free of the burden he carried because of his father.

 

Unfortunately with drinking came consequences. Right now though, Tony was feeling great. The alcohol was doing its job and he couldn’t feel. Everything was a haze around him and when he saw the keg stand, he just had to join in. It was probably a good thing Rhodey wasn’t around because he would be playing Jiminy Cricket right now and try to take him back to his room.

 

The crowd was lively tonight, which was always a good thing for Tony because he just basked in the attention. Everyone knew he was a genius, how could they not? He was the youngest person at MIT and he milked it for all it’s worth; especially when it came to the ladies.

 

Even now he had a blonde and a brunette hanging off his arms. Both were curvy in all the right places and he couldn’t help but appreciate their form. No one wanted to have sex with a sixteen year old, but that didn’t mean Tony couldn’t tease. He was great at that game and he never failed to leave a woman flustered.

 

As Tony stepped into the kitchen his name was called and he couldn’t help the grin that spread over his lips. He couldn’t deny hearing the chant of ‘Tony, Tony, Tony’ spread excitement through his body. The high piled on top of his buzz and Tony stepped in front of the keg. He raised his arms and the flannel shirt he’d been wearing slipped down his arms.

 

The neat writing of the name on his flesh was exposed and Tony wasn’t the wiser. In fact, everything was going great as he was tipped over to do the stand and consumed more alcohol. When he was set down on his feet and wiping his face he turned around to face Rhodey.

 

Rhodey’s face was set in a grim line as he grabbed Tony’s wrist and drug him away from the party. Tony waved jauntily at his friends, smile wide, as they left. He joked that it was past midnight and that he would turn in a pumpkin; that earned him several drunken laughs. But in the cool night air he sobered up because Rhodey hadn’t said a word to Tony. By now he was usually being chastised and told to stay away from the parties because they were bad news for someone his age.

 

The trip to Tony’s room seemed really short and before Tony even knew it he was thrown to his bed with Rhodey standing over him, arms crossed and his face set into a stern stare. The minutes ticked by and Tony felt as though he were five again and he was being chastised for breaking his mother’s favorite vase because his father had come home.

 

“What’s up, buddy?” Tony asked, still a little buzzed so there was a small slur to his name.

 

“I saw the name on your wrist, Tony.” Rhodey said stonily. This may not have been the time to speak about it, but it needed to happen.

 

It seemed if Tony needed to sober up, all he had to do was hear those few words. Immediately his back was straight and he glared up at Rhodey with dark brown eyes that promised pain if the subject was going to be broached.

 

“It doesn’t mean anything.” Tony growled and turned his wrist towards his body as though it would make the name disappear.

 

“It means he’s still alive, Tony. I saw how dark it was against your skin. A name that dark means your soulmate is alive and well.” Rhodey took a seat in the chair that Tony used at his desk. He settled down into it and regarded Tony with a level gaze.

 

“No. If he were alive then he’d be here, Rhodey. There’s obviously just something wrong with my arm.” Tony was stubborn and when it came to Steve Rogers he was as stubborn as a damn bull. There was no way he was having this conversation with Rhodey. He wasn’t ready for it and Tony doubted he ever would be. This wasn’t something you got over in a night, he was living proof of that. Tony had baggage that came with a name from a man who had lived in another time.

 

“Even if he isn’t here, Tony, the name means he’s alive somewhere. He might still be frozen for all you know. You have an opportunity here to go after him.” Rhodey knew he was beating his head against a dead horse, but he had to try.

 

“No, it doesn’t. Howard hasn’t found him and he’s been looking for a long ass time. Even if he is still frozen that doesn’t mean he’ll be found. I’m stuck alone for my miserable life because the fates are douchebags who think fucking with me is hilarious. I might as well not have a name on my arm.” Tony’s lips were set in a thin line and that usually meant he was done with whatever conversation was going on.

 

“It’s better to have a name like that than this.” Rhodey said as he pulled his own shirt sleeve up to reveal a feminine name that had faded into almost nothing. It meant that the woman was dead and Tony now understood Rhodey more clearly.

 

“I’d rather have that name.” Tony replied, he almost regretted his words when Rhodey’s face fell at the admission. He almost apologized until Rhodey stood, body taut and seeming to want to snap into motion.

 

“What? I’d rather know my own mate was dead than to live day to day wondering if he’ll show up. It’s even worse when your own damn father worked with him and he’s more focused on finding his old war buddy than his son. I can count on one hand the times Howard was around for Christmas.”

 

“This isn’t easy street, Tony. Having a dead soul mate is worse than having one who is in a coma.” Rhodey opened his mouth to say more but at the expression on Tony’s face he shut his mouth and didn’t say another word as he walked out.

 

It seemed that Tony had found Rhodey’s threshold without even meaning too. Ever since he had met the other man he’d been trying to push Rhodey’s buttons to the point he would just blow up. But it seemed Rhodey just didn’t do hot anger, no, it was the cold anger that meant revenge when you least expected it and in the most unconventional way.  

 

But Rhodey’s words wouldn’t leave Tony’s head. It seemed there was more to a faded name than just a dead mate. Rhodey would more than likely never tell him and it wasn’t like Tony could get to a library to research those who had dead soul mates and how they were affected.

 

Tony pulled his sleeve back and just stared at the damn name. It was like it was taunting him standing against his skin so vividly. He had to say that Steve Rogers had some great penmanship but other than that, he was nothing to Tony. He was a man who was absent from his life and so to Tony, he had no place in it.

 

And if he had no place in his heart, then there was no place for Steve Rogers on his skin. The man had brought him too much trouble to deserve even a centimeter of space on his wrist. That was an honor that should have gone to another person and the longer Tony stared at it, the more disgusted he was at seeing it.

 

Tony wanted to vomit, he had never stared at Steve’s name this long before and he just couldn’t do it. This whole soul mate thing was just bullshit as far as Tony was concerned and he felt the familiar anger rise up in him, fueled by the alcohol still running in his system.

 

Before he was even aware of what was going on, Tony moved from his bed and took the chair Rhodey had been sitting in and placed it back in front of his desk. He had a few odds and ends laying about, including DUM-E; which he had completed just last year. The robot was still an infant but Tony had plans for him, he wanted to upgrade the poor thing. He was proud of his work so far with just scraps lying about the school that no one wanted. But he wasn’t working on that today. No, Tony was going to do something completely different.

 

With a screwdriver in his hand what the had at his disposal he began to map a new creation in his mind. It would be risky doing such a thing in his dorm room, but Tony didn’t give a shit. If he were caught his father would just throw more money at the school and he’d be allowed to stay.

 

There wasn’t much that his father’s money couldn’t do. The only thing so far had been the removal of Steve’s name from Tony’s wrist. He would never ask Howard to have it removed, the shitstorm wouldn’t be worth it because his father would never try to understand Tony’s point.

 

He ordered DUM-E to turn on the lamp because the wiring would be the trickiest part of this little project. Tony didn’t have coffee to keep him going but this wouldn’t be the first all nighter he pulled with a partial buzz and no caffeine. Tony was well aware of his body’s capabilities and he knew just how hard he could push it before he would collapse.

 

When Tony had a project in his head, nothing mattered. The world outside his mind was nothing but white noise as his hands worked diligently. Time wasn’t a concept to Tony when he buried himself into something this personal. He had made DUM-E in three days with no sleep. So far, the robot arm was his baby and no matter what the little shit did, Tony would still loved him.

 

Howard hadn’t appreciated DUM-E being around because it normally spelled some sort of disaster. Tony had made sure his baby stayed in his room when he was at home, not that it mattered because Howard was always off searching for that damned man.

 

Soon the wiring was ready and Tony grinned. This had been his best idea since DUM-E and then finally he could be free of the burden he’d been carrying since he was born.

 

He pushed the goggles he'd been wearing to the top of his head and stared proudly at his work. The robot arm was long and functioned on its own as Tony gave it small orders.

 

It was amazing what he could with the right inspiration and little tools and scraps. Not even Howard had this sort of skill when he was Tony’s age and he sure as hell didn't have it now.

 

 He laid his wrist out on the table and stared at Steve's name. He didn't care about how neat it was and it certainly didn't bring any warm fuzzies to his stomach.

 

There was only joy in Tony's mind as he commanded the robot with the laser attached to the end of his  arm to light up. This would be painful, Tony had no doubt about that. But it would be worth it to never see that neat scrawl on his arm again.

 

With a determined expression, Tony told the robot to move towards his arm and to position the laser over his wrist. This would be tricky but Tony was confident in his work and took a deep before giving the order to fire.

 

White hot pain surged through his mind when the laser made contact with his wrist and Tony had to grit his teeth as he clenched his fist tightly.

 

But he couldn't close his eyes. Tony watched as his fleshed seared under the laser; turning an angry red before disappearing to reveal the tendons underneath. He grunted and then cursed when the robot slipped and caught his upper arm, hitting what must have been a large vein and causing it to bleed.

 

Immediately Tony shouted to DUM-E to call Rhodey. He would more than likely have called emergency services but Rhodey was like a brother.

 

"Hello?" Rhodey’s voice was hesitant as if he were expecting a prank caller.

 

"Rhodey, I fucked up. 'M hurt in my room. Need medical attention." Tony managed to get out of his mouth. He was suffering from shock and blood loss and he heard Rhodey hang up with a confirmation that he'd be there in a few minutes.  

 

Tony couldn't deny what he had done was damn foolish but the name was gone from his wrist and that was all that mattered to him.

 

He was free.

 

~*~

 

Tony Stark knew a lot of things, he was a genius after all. But right now he was certain of two bits of information in this very moment. One: he was Iron Man and two: everyone now knew he had no name on his wrist.

 

Skin grafts were a beautiful thing and had covered the awful scarring from the removal of his soul mates name. Before the surgery he would always say he wasn't careful around a campfire and the women ate it up.

 

They loved being around a daredevil. Or had rather before he became Iron Man. Tony realized that he couldn't continue the way he had.

 

There had been the occasional person who tried to insert themselves into Tony's life without much success. Just because they didn't know he once had a name didn't mean that Tony wasn't aware of what they were attempting. Many people wanted a chunk of the fortune that came with his last name and he wouldn’t allow them that.

 

It wasn’t just Howard’s legacy anymore, it was Tony’s. He had changed the face of Stark Industries and was leading the technology world into a new age. Apple didn’t have anything on Tony’s new tablets, phones, and mp3 players.

 

The company was Tony’s baby now and he let Pepper run it because he was more of a man behind the curtain kind of guy. And Pepper knew exactly how he wanted the company run. He trusted her more than Obadiah and knew she wouldn’t sell him out.

 

Stark Industries would be forever making it up for the weapons that had made it to enemy hands. Tony fronted many of the searches for his weaponry himself because it was something he needed to do to redeem himself. Iron Man was separate from Tony Stark and he wouldn’t stain that name.

 

Right now he was at an Avengers’ function and wished he had taken Pepper up on that meeting with the board. The battle against the Chitauri was a debut for them as a team, no matter it was dysfunctional.

 

He’d had several sharks surround him already, looking for an in. Tony had politely excused himself, using the excuse that one of his team mates needed him. Of course they didn’t, but Tony was an expert at lying when he wanted something.

 

Steve Rogers was in the same boat he was. And God, he still didn’t know what to think about that. Tony had searched Captain America’s wrist the first chance he had gotten on the Helicarrier. When Tony saw no name he felt anger at first and then relief. He had taken the name on his wrist as a fluke of some sort. There was no doubt in his mind that he and Steve weren’t soulmates.

 

Of course it would have saved him pain if Steve’s name had never been on his wrist. But in all honestly, it was like it wasn’t even there except when Howard brought it up. Tony was a free man as far as he was concerned.

 

Steve had tried speaking to him about his nameless wrist. Tony understood it was because he had one of his own but such things were below him; or at least Tony liked to pretend they were. There were no answers he could give to Steve because technically Tony had been born with a name. It was something that was hard to hide from Steve because of those blue eyes dimming when Tony wouldn’t speak to him over their only connection.

 

And of course his friendship with Steve was rocky because Tony possessed knowledge Steve didn’t. But if the man had no name on his wrist, then Tony couldn’t really about it. Omitting the truth wasn’t the same as lying; or so he tried to tell himself. They had their rough patches where they wanted to kill each other and then there were times they understood each other perfectly. It was certainly interesting but Tony couldn’t allow himself to form a deeper than what it was.

  
  


Tony had tried sending experts Steve’s way but they were always met with resistance. Steve had been through that dance back in the day and didn’t feel like participating this time because little progress had been made.

 

He almost felt guilty; almost. Tony didn’t have any idea that Steve was frozen in the arctic playing Capsicle. And the guilt would have been there-if Tony’s name had been on Steve’s wrist. But it was clear, naked as the day Steve was most likely born. Any tiny, miniscule feeling Tony had was squashed by the fact in front of him.

 

“You look like someone killed your puppy.” Clint said as he clapped Tony on the back.

 

Out of the Avengers, Clint was the only one who knew the absolute truth about his wrist. It was because the archer had his own dilemma as well. The thick leather bracelet on his forearm hid the scrawl Tony had seen only one time.

 

They had a story session and Tony knew Clint had it worse than him. He had seen the S.H.I.E.L.D. files on the Winter Soldier, how could he not when Fury refused to upgrade his security?

 

It was hard trying to decide who to feel sorry for the most, Clint or Steve. After all, James Barnes had been Steve’s best friend and they had history. But Clint, Clint was Barnes’ mate and he was denied because right now, the man was out there assassinating important people and S.H.I.E.L.D. had yet to make a move.

 

“No, my puppy would be unkillable.” Tony said with a smirk as grabbed a flute of champagne from a waiter. He knew Clint caught his drift and took it as Tony would build his own robot puppy.

 

“Hey, I think I have an idea for Christmas. The kiddies will love it.” A wide smile passed over Tony’s lips as he regaled Clint with his idea and how it would blow all the other toys away when it would hit the shelves.

 

“You would cause widespread panic, I’m sure.” Clint responded and then winced he saw Natasha glaring at him from across the room.

 

“What did you do now?”

 

“I may have left her in the middle of a dance? Or wait, no. I left her alone with Hammer. Seriously, that guy called himself your rival?” Clint snorted and watched as Natasha was rescued by Happy a moment later.

 

“See it worked out. Happy has this down pat. I’m sure Natasha has him trained well.”

 

“Speaking of, didn’t Pepper and Coulson make it?” Clint asked, looking around for their handler that had recently been released from the hospital.

 

“Nope. Pepper said she wanted Phil to herself before she handed him over again.” Tony rolled his eyes and took a sip when his eyes landed on Steve.

 

The man never failed to look at least some shade of constipated. And Tony couldn’t really blame him because this type of event wasn’t his cup of tea. Steve was always uncomfortable at these sort of events and excused himself at the earliest convenience. But tonight it seemed like Fury had blackmailed him into staying longer than what he normally used to.

 

Tony had to wonder what kind of blackmail the man had on Steve. It had to be something juicy for him to linger like this and try to avoid the women. That was the highlight of Tony’s night it seemed, watching Steve escaping the old ladies who had hands like octopi.

 

“Of course she would accost him.” Clint’s smile gave away that he was happy that Phil wasn’t here and was spending time with his mate.

 

“Well, I’m sure we’ll give Phil a heart attack at some point. I mean, come on, between you and me, I’m sure we can manage to keep him on his toes.” Tony moved his eyes away from Steve and found Bruce’s form making its towards him.

 

Bruce was doing better in large crowds and this was a test run of sorts to see if he could handle functions such as these without feeling anxiety and hulking out. Tony was proud that they were finding ways to placate the anger in Bruce even though he had a good handle on it already. They were working on ways to communicate with Hulk, not that they had issues, but having a more clear way would be better.

 

“Hey, Bruce, how’s it hanging?” Tony asked as he clapped Bruce on the shoulder gently. He knew that sometimes innocent gestures were taken the wrong way and an incident could be incited. Tony had to play his cards right and knew how to interact without coming across as hostile.

 

“It’s going well. I haven’t come close to an incident yet.” Bruce’s smile was jaded but it still held a small amount of joy.

 

“I’m glad to hear that. So you think we can ditch it now? Leave poor Cap here to entertain the masses?” Tony joked, winding an arm around Bruce’s shoulder.

 

“I don’t think we should do that. He might end up being raped. I think that old lady is trying to sink her claws in.” Clint joked much to Bruce’s chagrin.

 

“I’m sure he would find her to his tastes.” Tony wasn’t one to censor himself, even at a function like this. He was who he was and Tony wouldn’t ever let himself be anything else.

 

“So, are you too busy to do me a favor?” Bruce asked as he removed the arm from his shoulders and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “I know you haven’t given anyone your autograph with your full name, so would you humor me?”

 

“If I didn’t know Betty was your mate, I’d say you were proposing, Bruce.” Tony joked with a wink as he took the paper and pen from Bruce. There was a table nearby and Tony took advantage of it as he started to sign his whole name. For Bruce he would do just about anything and his name was signed sloppily since he had never written for another person before.

 

Somewhere in the distance the shattering of glass could be heard and Tony couldn’t help but turn his head. His eyes widened when he saw it was Steve, normally the guy was cool as a clam at these parties even though he was uncomfortable.

 

Steve’s right hand was clutching his left wrist, his face was distorted in pain until it smoothed out. Tony watched in fascination as Steve removed his hand and looked down, confusion morphing into realization and then that piercing blue gaze landed on Tony.

 

He knew.

 

Those words circled in Tony’s head over and over, rendering him still. Bruce had taken the autograph from him and he couldn’t bring himself to crack another joke. The world was closing in on Tony and he had to go. He couldn’t be here and let Steve corner him, not when he knew Tony was his mate.

 

Taking a few deep breaths, Tony apologized to Clint and Bruce and fled. It was the only action he could think of to take because he sure as hell wasn’t staying around to speak to Steve. There was no need for them for to talk about this. Tony had made his decision long ago and he didn’t care of his leaving indicated that he was aware of their connection.

 

Happy was there with a car waiting, Natasha glowering at Tony as if he had interrupted something that was fun. Tony didn’t care, he just needed to bury himself in the lab and forget that this problem existed. It was the answer to everything and Tony didn’t care if it was predictable as he rubbed his blank wrist.

 

~*~

 

It’d been almost two weeks since the charity function and Tony had prided himself on hiding away in his lab. He avoided Steve with skill he’d learn from his younger days. Pepper had tried to break him of this habit and had given up after years of failure.

 

It was odd he wasn’t making upgrades to his suit or even making a new one. Tony was just tinkering on random ideas; something he hadn’t done since he was a teenager. It was relieving to just make whatever he wanted on a whim. His hands were just moving and Tony didn’t have to think about how he wrecked his friendship with Steve because he had never his full name down.

 

Tony had forgotten how this whole soul mate thing worked. If you wrote your name down, it appeared on the wrist of the person you were meant to be with. When Tony had known what bearing Steve’s name meant, he refused to write his full name down when he was learning.

 

No one could coax him into putting his name to paper and for years he never wrote it. He should have known the consequences. But he was Tony Stark and he would get through this like everything else.

 

Tony had survived this far into his life without his soul mate and he could go the rest of his life without Steve. It wasn’t unheard since people like Rhodey had soul mates that were dead. They were able to lead normal lives and still find someone to spend their life with.

 

Not that Tony wanted to be permanently attached to anyone. The idea was something he didn’t like or so he had told himself. Having Steve’s name neatly etched on his skin had damaged him in a way that was almost irreparable.

 

So engrossed in his current project, Tony didn’t notice the doors to his lab open. When he felt warm hands on his shoulders and then they slid down to rest over his chest. Steve’s head rested on his left shoulder and Tony jumped and then stilled in his chair. He pushed his goggles to his head because he couldn’t do this with them on.

 

“Steve?” Tony asked as if he lost all his brain cells in just a few seconds.

 

“Yeah, it’s me. J.A.R.V.I.S. let me in at my request. I’m tired of you avoiding me, Tony. We need to speak about this.” Steve’s breath was warm against Tony’s neck and made him hyper aware of everything around him.

 

“J.A.R.V.I.S. you’re a damn traitor and I’m reprogramming you tomorrow.” Tony growled as he turned in his chair. He glared up at Steve with brown eyes burning with fire. He didn’t want to have this conversation because it would lead to both of them being hurt.

 

Steve’s arms settled on the armrests of his chair, trapping Tony right where he was. From the determined expression on Steve’s face, he knew he was staying put. There were two approaches to this subject, he could stare down Steve until he stormed out of the lab or he could actually speak about this subject.

 

“I doubt my existence is in question, sir.” J.A.R.V.I.S. sounded just a might amused and Tony couldn’t help but be proud of him.

 

“Lock us down for a bit, J.A.R.V.I.S. this is a conversation that needs to be private.” Tony heard his AI’s confirmation and looked back at Steve. “Are you going to stand there like that?”

 

All he got was a smile before Steve found Bruce’s chair and pulled it over so he could sit in front of Tony. Of course he would do this face to face in such an intimate way. He’d forgotten how personable Steve was and how he just wheedled his way into a person’s life.

 

“I think this is better. Now, we to talk about this.” Steve said, rolling up the sleeve of his plaid shirt to reveal Tony’s full name sloppily scrawled on his wrist. It was innocent enough but the implications of it were heavy.

 

“There’s nothing to speak about, Steve. I know you have my name but I got rid of yours a long time ago.” It wasn’t easy to tell the man the truth, but Tony knew Steve had a way of telling when people were lying. He was Captain fucking America.

 

“Wait, you did what? Why?” Steve asked with a frown. There wasn’t a hint of disapproval, just a man who wanted to know the truth.

 

“Howard took it as a sign you were alive and began to search for you again when I was born. It was an odd case and fuck I need a drink to get through this.” Tony ran a hand through his dark hair as DUM-E fetched him a half-empty bottle of Jack. He took a quick swig which did little to soothe his nerves.

 

Tony went into his history, talked about everything he never wanted to tell another living soul outside of Rhodey who was one of two people who knew the truth. Tony’s chest felt tight as he unloaded everything onto Steve; not stopping once he started. He would have cracked a joke about Steve being a confessional if he had been in his right mind.

 

Finally, hours later, Tony was done with his tale. His naked wrist was in front of Steve’s face, smooth skin and all. The skin grafts were amazing and there was hardly any evidence that Tony had seared his skin off.

 

Steve reached out and grabbed Tony’s wrist. He pressed a soft kiss to it while looking at Tony with serious blue eyes. The skin under Steve’s lips shivered at the delicate touch and he had to glance away. The hurt was constricting in Tony’s chest as Steve continued to hold onto him.

 

“I thought for the longest time I had no soul mate.” Steve said softly as he ran a thumb over Tony’s blank skin. “I was bullied in school a lot because I had no name. All the kids had one ‘cept for me. But I kept telling myself that they couldn’t write yet and any day a name would appear.”

 

The smile on Steve’s lips was fucking heartbroken and Tony knew just how Steve felt. He knew that Steve understood what Tony went through because while his circumstances were different; he was still lonely back then.

 

“Then I met Bucky at the orphanage. He didn’t have a name either and we bonded over that. He would keep me out of trouble, or at least try to. We had a platonic relationship but we loved each other because we knew our soul mates weren’t out there.” It was hard to watch Steve’s face and how it shifted when he spoke about Bucky. Tony found relief that they hadn’t been in love with each and he wasn’t quite sure what to say since he knew Bucky was still alive.

 

“I understand completely. Rhodey was my Bucky.” Tony’s smile was crooked as his eyes darted up to Steve. “We were really fucked by the universe; but you had it worse. You didn’t know you had a soul mate.”

 

“It was the reason I downed the plane.” Steve admitted bluntly. “I had no one to live for and I wouldn’t be missed; not really. Bucky was already dead and while Peggy was a nice gal, it was never going to work.”

 

“You what?” Tony growled, jerking Steve a bit closer by the collar of his shirt. He couldn’t believe his ears. Howard had always spoken highly of Steve and how he always had it together no matter the situation.

 

“It was the only way to save New York. I would have rather it been my own life instead of millions. I had no one, Tony. No matter how much I wanted a soul mate, the fact was I was unattached. I was expendable.”

 

“You aren’t fucking expendable, Steve!” Tony had to keep some control from shouting as he stood. He ran a hand shakily through his hair because while he never attempted suicide, hearing about it from Steve hurt.  

 

“I was and you know it, Tony. You’re failing to see how-” But anything Steve was going to say was cut off by the press of Tony’s lips to his. Steve blinked adorably for a minute before grasping the back of Tony’s head and pulling him down further into the kiss.

 

“I can’t promise that our relationship will be easy, but I’m...I’m willing to try. We need to take this slow so I don’t feel trapped.” Tony whispered when he pulled away, hovering over Steve sitting in the chair.

 

“I’ll take what I can get, Tony. I have nothing left to lose.” The way the words were spoken had Tony frowning and taking them as a challenge. He wanted to show Steve that this could work between them and that his wait hadn’t been for nothing.

  
“I’ll give you everything, Steve, with time.” Tony promised with a kiss.


End file.
